But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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