Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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