i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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