i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish you could order shots online.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
