Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
