3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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