Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
