The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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