Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
