im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
