What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
