dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
this hospital has no fireball
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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