Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
