She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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