are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
