my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
