i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
