you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
