Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
