I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
