Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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