I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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