She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
