you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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