No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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