Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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