mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
