Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
