my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
