how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
