Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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