I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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