he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
