And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
