I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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