I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
