My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
