remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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