So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
