If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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