The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
