you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
