I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
