Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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