If i come over, it means nothing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
