I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
nutella sex= disaster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
