her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
