Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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