and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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