i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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