Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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