New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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