Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
