i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
