***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
