Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
