So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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