So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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