ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
