Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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