even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
