I'm so fucking centered right now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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