It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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