Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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