You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
