We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
